For most of her career, Valerie Jarrett has been known as a powerhouse of public service — a trusted adviser to President Barack Obama, a mentor to Michelle Obama, and one of the most influential figures in the Obama White House. Yet behind the polished résumés, historic milestones, and round-the-clock political life is a woman who spent many years doing something far more relatable: trying to balance a demanding career with raising her daughter on her own.
Jarrett says too many women are told they need to flawlessly manage career success, parenting perfection, and personal fulfillment — all at the same time. But she argues that real life is quite different.
“You can have it all,” she says, “just not all at once.”
It’s a lesson she learned the hardest way: by chasing the wrong version of success. Early in her career, Jarrett found herself with a high-paying job at a major law firm, a downtown office with spectacular views…and a feeling of emptiness she couldn’t ignore.
She remembers sitting alone one day, looking at her paycheck — the kind of salary she once dreamed of — and suddenly breaking down in tears. She had a young daughter at home, a failing marriage, and no joy in the work that consumed her days. Something had to change.
Determined to build a life that aligned with her values, Jarrett left the lucrative firm and started over in Chicago city government. That choice led her into roles that shaped the city — overseeing planning and development, chairing the transit board, and championing initiatives that served communities rather than corporate clients.
Just as importantly, that shift steered her toward a fateful introduction: a young attorney named Michelle Robinson, and her then-fiancé Barack Obama. What started as a professional connection soon grew into a powerful friendship — and eventually brought Jarrett to the heart of a presidential administration.
But even as she rose into positions of influence, Jarrett never forgot how fragile the juggling act of working motherhood can be.
Jarrett was 28 when she became a mother, and she quickly learned that ambition doesn’t pause for bedtime routines or school events. Yet with her daughter Laura — now an attorney and journalist — Jarrett made sure that love and presence mattered more than titles or status.
She admits there were many moments of doubt. One early memory still stings: a second-grade teacher suggested that Laura’s struggles might be because Jarrett wasn’t at home enough. The judgment cut deeply. Today, she smiles at the memory — Laura grew up thriving, happily married, and soaring in her career.
“That was a dagger at the time,” Jarrett says, “but I learned that I was exactly the parent she needed.”
And she didn’t do it alone. Her parents were a constant source of support — her father drove his granddaughter to school every day, even long after she had a driver’s license of her own.
That kind of help, Jarrett emphasizes, is not a luxury — it’s a necessity.
“You cannot do it all by yourself,” she says. “We take on too much and wear it like a badge. But everyone — especially women — deserves backup.”
Working while raising a child meant constant decisions: stay late or make the school parade? Project deadline or urgent doctor visit? Jarrett believes employers must understand that supporting families isn’t simply kindness — it’s smart leadership.
She recalls telling Chicago Mayor Richard Daley she needed to leave a meeting to attend her daughter’s Halloween parade. She braced for backlash. Instead, he encouraged her to go immediately — praise, not punishment.
That loyalty shaped her work ethic for years. “When employers show they value their people’s families, those employees give back ten times over,” she explains.
Jarrett now champions those values at the national level: workers need fair parental leave, affordable childcare, and the confidence to speak up without fear of losing their job.
“If you don’t believe your children are safe, you cannot function at work,” she says simply.
One reason Jarrett believes deeply in family-supportive policy is that she’s seen it practiced at the highest office in the land. President Obama — a father to Malia and Sasha — made it clear that family time came first. Unless a crisis demanded otherwise, he walked out of meetings at 6:30 p.m. sharp to be home for dinner.
“In the West Wing, if it’s 6:25, everyone starts to pack up,” Jarrett laughs. “We know he’s heading out the door.”
Obama, she says, was determined to be the kind of father he never had growing up — fully present, fully committed. That commitment influenced a culture where staff members could pick up their kids, attend school events, and take care of family needs without stigma.
Family wasn’t an obstacle to success. It was part of the success.
Jarrett encourages parents to reject comparison, reject shame, and trust their own instincts.
“Own your choices,” she urges. “Don’t let other people define what being a good parent looks like.”
Yes, parenting is the hardest job in the world. But it is also — she believes wholeheartedly — the most meaningful.
Kids will grow. They will flourish. They will become their own people. And the years that feel impossible now will someday feel impossibly short.
“I wish I had slowed down more,” she says. “I worried so much about being perfect that I forgot to just enjoy being her mom.”
Her message is a reminder to parents everywhere:
Give yourself grace.
Ask for help.
Believe that different seasons demand different priorities.
And remember: you can have it all — over the course of a lifetime.
Just not all at once.
Leave a Reply