The latest episode of South Park, Turkey Trot, tells a story about Saudi Arabia, Pete Hegseth’s Department of War, and the dubious “race science” that fuels racial divides around the world. But the key takeaway from the episode is the viral sensation that’s sweeping the nation, the song, “Pete Hegseth Is A Fuc*king Douche.”
The song is based on Kenny Loggins’ 1986 hit, “Danger Zone,” written by Giorgio Moroder and Tom Whitlock for the hit jingoistic military film, Top Gun. The song, an anthem of tough guy aesthetics, is corny and silly, just like Top Gun. When applied to a dweeb like Hegseth, the classic melody paired with new lyrics, it’s the perfect song to describe the real-life man and his South Park cartoon counterpart. The lyrics are reproduced below:
Pete Hegseth is a fuc*ing douche. Pete Hegseth is a fuc*ing douche.
Acting like a tough guy, posting it around the world.
Making lots of content, like a little teenage girl.
Pete Hegseth is a fuc*ing douche. Pete Hegseth is a fuc*ing douche.
Whatcha gonna do now, everybody’s laughing at you.
Your kids are gonna hear this, and their friends will watch it, too.
They’ll be singing Pete Hegseth is a fuc*ing Douche. Pete Hegseth is a fuc*ing douche.
Pete Hegseth is not a military leader. He’s a performer. Remember when he summoned all of the US military generals and tried to basically do standup for them? He believes leadership is being camera-ready for photo ops. He dresses nice and speaks loudly but has no skills or experience that reflect his standing, except for his loyalty to the President. The first verse points out his “social media leadership” style, comparing him to a teenage girl.
The second verse, which plays over the closing credits of the episode, essentially challenges Hegseth to do something about it, since his kids and their friends are gonna laugh at him for being “a fu*king douche.” The thin-skinned cronies in the Trump administration often respond to South Park’s criticisms of them, to the point where no matter what they do, they’re screwed. If they don’t respond, they’re cowards. If they do, they’re weak chumps who can’t take a joke.
Of course, the Trump administration is an unprecedented phenomenon in American politics, where virtually everyone is a cartoon character even before being parodied by South Park. They are all jokes. Kristi Noem shooting dogs isn’t something South Park made up. She actually shot her dog and thought it was a worthwhile story to put in her autobiography. Pete Hegseth is a drunken buffoon. Stephen Miller is 40 years old and looks like friggin’ Nosferatu. Remember when JD Vance tried to order a dozen donuts? They’re all clowns. South Park just adds a slight exaggeration to remind us, “All of this, this world we’re living in, this isn’t normal.”
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